There's a problem in our community, that borders on the realm of bitchassness. It's what I like to refer to as Plate Scraping. We've all encountered someone who has done this, and if you haven't it's probably because you do it to everyone else. Plate Scraping can cause the end of great friendships, the beginning of undying shade, and perpetuate the ongoing problem of stereotypes that plague black gay men.
What is "Plate Scraping?" It's when a friend of yours feels the need to explore the possibility of a relationship with one of your exes, and in essence are scraping your "relationship" plate and eating your scraps. Some will even lick your proverbial plate clean.
This is a problem. There are way too many people in the world to feel the need to take from someone else's leftovers. Yea, some of you will say "One man's trash is another man's treasure" and truthfully, we are ALL somebody's ex, however there are some things that fall too close to home and shouldn't. Plate Scrapin' is one of them.
To me, it's a big conflict of interest. Why put people in a potentially nasty triangle? There's the awkardness that arises between every person involved (provided you have a soul, it should), and it opens the doors to so many unnecessary bring-downs.
So, why the post? Well, a few weeks ago, my old job asked me to come up to the corporate office (in DC) for a few days at the beginning of May to train the new group of people who are doing the job that I did last year while working for them. I accepted, because it was one of the best places that I've had the pleasure of working for, and they'll be paying a brotha nicely for his time. I also saw it as a free vacation home, so I started calling people to let them know of my upcoming arrival. One of those calls went out to an ex of mine, just letting him know that it would be good to see one another while I was there.
The invite from me prompted him to ask how I viewed him: "What do you see me as? Am I "the one that got away?" a potential jumpoff? an "ex-turned-friend?"" I wasn't going to give him the benefit of knowing the truth, so I turned the question back onto him, asking why he wanted to know. "Just curious" he claimed, and then went on to mention that he just wanted to be sure that he wouldn't disrespect me........ "Disrespect?" I asked, and he replied with a sigh and "Well, recently a friend of yours and I made a connection and..." before he could finish I snipped him short with "So basically you want to know if you still have a chance with me or if you should pursue this friend of mine.........and wait, who is the friend?" Of course, he refused to humor me with that information. We wrapped up the conversation shortly thereafter, and I was still in the dark about who this "friend" was, but it definitely shed light on potential shade.
So, I started thinking: Wait a minute, there was a party in Baltimore just a few days ago that I know my ex and his friends would have been at, as well as my friends. And then I really started to piece things together, and made a conclusion as to who I thought he may be talking about.
This person, whom I considered a good friend, had plate scraped me before, twice actually, but I didn't let it bother me. It's not something I would do, I simply feel it's a choice that isn't conducive to a good friendship, and I choose not to make it, but hey, if you do, more power to ya.
I mean, if you're gonna scrape anybody's plate, it might as well be mine. My plate, in it's heyday, kept a hot dinner on it.
So, I called the accused, just to see if I was right. Frankly, the ex wasn't going to volunteer this information, and I needed to find out for myself. So I call, and casually bring up the party.......and all of a sudden the friend has to get off of the phone.....Hmmm, not necessarily a completely red flag, but something to take note of. He promises to call my right back, which must've been code for "a week later," because that was when I heard from him again. Oh, and after I called him again. For a second time, we begin to talk about the party, and he mentions "telling me before I heard it elsewhere." Yea, you know hearing that raised my brow. Sensing my conclusions were true, I let him tell me his side of the story, which pertained of him saying that he was at the party, and claimed he was playing around and being extra flirty with everyone, and my ex happened to take it seriously.
Oh, is that how it went? Ah, okay. I laughed it off, joining his somewhat nervous laughter about the situation. My sense now told me that it was time to reach out the ex to confirm, extend or hear a completely different story. Sadly, it was the latter of the three that took place.
So, I call the ex, and put the pressure on in regards to who the "friend" was. Yes, I knew, but I had to play the role that every bit of information either one of them told me was the first time it graced my ears, until it came down to either one not trying to give up the information, and THEN it would be "Look, I already know what happened, so tell me..." Good thing I didn't have to. He spilled, and oh, the spilling was plentiful!
"So he told you about the date?" Excuse me?
"After the party was over, I stayed back and we kissed..." ....the HELL?!
"He wanted to take it further, but I told him we shouldn't" ....THIS muthafucka!
"We talked about telling you what happened, and he said we should. I thought he told you, and that's why I hadn't."
Oh, he told me alright. I couldn't believe it, and then at the same time I could. My Plate Scrapin' friend was someone who had no problem lying. I stood there, phone in one hand, anger balled in a fist with the other. I wasn't necessarily upset at the acts that took place with these two. It was moreso the fact that Plate Scraper wasn't man enough to tell me the truth. Wasn't a friend enough to feel the need to.
The ex closed the conversation with informing me that the date was mostly flat and uninspiring, and that he wouldn't be pursuing Plate Scraper any further.
So, the next day, Friend hits me up, and I couldn't hold back my findings anymore.
So, how was your date with my ex? "Terrible," he tells me. "My homeboy told me that was what I get." Your homeboy is a well of knowledge.
Oh, and how about the kiss? "Oh my God, who told you that?" The other party involved. I wanted to ask him "What do you mean "Who told me that?! How many people know?""
I then went on to ask him to tell me his side of the story, because clearly he didn't tell me a thing the first time he brought it up (remember him wanting to "tell me before I heard it elsewhere".......RIGHT). Silence, no response, and I haven't heard a response since. That was over a week and a half ago. I'm going to go ahead and deem the silence as guilt.
Burning this bridge may be for the best. Outside of the drama written about in this post, "Friend" has done questionable things before. Honestly, this bridge has been silently burning itself for a while now, but I felt to need to keep it up, douse out the fires, clean up the singed embers, and get burned each time. And why? Because you shouldn't burn your bridges, Isn't that something we all live by? Clearly it doesn't make sense to keep something accessible when it isn't worth the connection.
This is one of the times when the straight girls make sense. They always say "Never tell your friends about how good something else, because they'll always want to know for themselves." They ain't neva lied!
So, be warned! Watch out for the Plate Scrapers, and if you are one, you need to reform and transform.
Oh, and I'm taking orders:
19.95, plus S&H
